I have a dream and I know I want to pursue it. The clock is ticking. Do you think I still have enough time, not to finish, but to start a dream?
This is the third month of my post-graduate era. I have part-time job that I enjoy — mostly because I work only 4 hours a day for spesific. So I have pretty much time to do the things I want to do, such as reading, watching movies, hanging out with friends, helping parents, etc. The ‘serious’ thing that I do currently is building a special project — I and with friends are about building a chicken slaughterhouse in Kupang, Nusa Tenggara Timur. I will be in Kupang, approximately in early December. So my life’s pretty exciting and challenging recently, and it’s going to be more exciting and challenging in just few weeks. Please pray so I will arrive in Kupang, alive and complete.
Thing that haunts my mind the most is time. I’m not sure about how much the time we need to successfully build the chicken-slaughterhouse. I guess it would be a years, while I think I couldn’t be in Kupang for more than a year. I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I think I have another dream to pursue. The chicken-slaughterhouse project that later on I would call it just ‘the project’ is not my main interest. I like the project but it’s not the love of my life. To me, the project is about me learning to build a business. If I done learn there, I want to move to my main project — I want to build a community-based business to help farmer increase their income.
Now you understand that I couldn’t do my main project for now because I don’t have enough capacity to build it. I need to grow the resource to meet the need of my main project : it is the business skills, the relations and a friend. I will learn about business skills in the project, I probably also get to know the relations through the project, and hopefully I will meet someone that have the same dream as mine along the way.
The later resource, a friend, probably the most important resource out of all. I couldn’t walk alone through this journey. I need a hand to hold, a soul to whom I share all the stories. It could be your hand, your soul. Who know?
We will see, where this feet, this beating heart, and wandering mind will take me. Hopefully some places where I could grow, bigger, stronger and kinder.
I also wanted to tell you about how I feel. You know, since the 17th November, I feel fucking free. I am free. I am free.
I had real rough time for the past 3 years and it finally ended. Imagine the feeling of finally breathing calmly after drowned in muddy water made of anxiety, resentment and anger. That’s exactly how I feel. I’m no longer tied to someone. I’m no longer limiting my step. I am fucking free.
It’s kinda weird to post something personal in my blog but I guess I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to pretend to care about social judgement anymore. I’ve no time for that shit. This is the time for me to be recognized and make connection. Hopefully this series of journal entry would bring me that.
This is enough for now.
I will see you next time.
Your favorite INTP.